The damn wedding
by Motormouse
Summary: Quinn gets the wedding invitation in the mail and it kills her. What hurts her even more is the fact that she will be the Maid of Honor and will have to spend plenty of time dying inside while helping Rachel prepare for her wedding.


**Enjoy! **

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><p><strong>Saturday February 19th <strong>

I stared at the envelope, knowing full well what was inside. If I opened it though, this all became real. I would see _her _with him and it would fully click that I would never have that one chance I kept telling myself I would have. But she will be happy or, at least, that's what I like to think. It helps me carry on. If she's happy then I should, in theory, be happy too. But the truth is that I don't think that can happen. Not for me. Not without her.

I think about tossing the envelope away, ignoring it until I can't anymore, but I don't. Instead I pull up the flap and slide the small rectangular card out. There they are, holding each other close and smiling. I hold back the tears even though I'm alone and no one would see. I won't let myself be weak. Not anymore. Quickly flipping it over, I read the information.

_Please join us in the Celebration of Rachel Berry and Finn Hudson's wedding._

_June 11h_

It's official. She has gotten everything she wanted and I feel like I deserve this ache that has settled into my heart because I in no way deserve her.

**Thursday April 7th**

I shift from one foot to the other, anxiously waiting. I know how it will feel to see her, to be near her, and to touch her. She'll pull me right back into her gravity where I _will_ have to see her, be near her, touch her and know that it will be nothing more than as friends. But I still have that happy feeling inside me because, for a while, I will be with her. I look back up at the screen with the arrival times. Hers does not say delayed, so why isn't she here yet? People began filing out of a terminal and I look around for the petite brunette who takes my breath away. Before long they are all gone and she isn't there. I look around, seeing lots of people but not who I need.

Then there's a hand on my shoulder and I turn around. She's there and she looks beautiful. Better then beautiful, she's breathtaking. Her hair, her smile, her eyes, even her nose take the breath from my lungs. Before I know what's happening her arms are around me and I'm surrendering to the hug. The scent of her shampoo, cherry, assaults my senses with such a force that my eyes flutter closed. I slightly press closer to her, my arms tightening around her waist. I let out a pained sigh, because none of this is mine and will never be.

She pulls away and smiles again and I send a small smile back. My heart clenches painfully tight when I realize her hand is locked with mine. To me, it fits perfectly.

"You look beautiful." She says after a bit. I feel a blush creep to cheeks.

"Me? Look at you." I take a breath before breathing out. "You're gorgeous." She smiles brilliantly at that. It causes butterflies in my stomach.

"So, are you ready to go dress shopping?" _No_, because if I don't go then I won't have to be a part of the wedding and I won't have to be front and center when they become forever each other's and she's never mine.

"Yep. Are the rest of them just meeting us there?" I ask as we begin walking away, her hand is still linked with mine. She nods and I feel myself grow even more nervous. Kurt, Brittany, Tina, and Mercedes are also people in the wedding and Santana would have been had she and Brittany not just broken up for the umpteenth time. This means that I will have to see them all and hope beyond hope that they don't realize what I came to realize just after high school; that I am uncontrollably and undeniably in love with Rachel Berry, and I can't do a damn thing about it.

**Saturday April 9th **

I can't handle this. She just mentioned body shots and… god, she just pulled her top off. Does she not know what she does to me? Well, no, she shouldn't know. I might die if she did. I watch as she lies down across my kitchen table before I grab another drink and down it. I'm going to need it and probably much more.

"Quinn?" I let my eyes move from her toned stomach to her face. Her eyes are full of mischief along with her smile. "Are you going to do this?" My mouth goes dry. She wants me to? Like, seriously? I probably would have said no had I not consumed so much alcohol, but I had. It was coursing through my veins, spurring me on. Everyone is laughing as I make my way towards her. Her eyes are locked on me as I lower down to her now twitching abs. My lips brush her skin first before I allow my tongue to dart out.

She let out a moan and I feel a shiver run through me like wild fire. Soon enough I am moving farther up than I should be and she squirms against me. I meet her eyes briefly and she smiles. My fingers are itching to touch her skin but I keep my hands at a respectable place as my nose brushes against her bra. She moans again and I let one slip past my lips. I lightly nip at the barely there lace, wanting to pull it away. But then this weird spell is broken, and it's all Brittany's fault.

"Damn Rach, you never got this hot with me." At first I'm mad that I didn't get to continue with my exploration, then what she says sinks in and I feel jealousy bubble up inside me.

"What do you mean?" I ask a lot harsher sounding then I probably should have. I look to Rachel, she's sitting up on her elbows trying to hide her blush.

"Well, we were in a dance class together in high school, and we had a party one night with all the other girls. The night was full of stuff. Fun stuff." Brittany says with a smile before taking another drink from her wine cooler. I look back at Rachel briefly. I shouldn't be jealous. I have no right. But I am. So to hide it. I grab my shot glass and refill it several times.

**Sunday May 29th**

"…so do you think you could come a couple weeks early?"

I feel ill. I know that going early is a bad idea. I would probably end up hurting Hudson. I still feel that this isn't fair. I didn't even get a chance to win her heart. But I didn't really try either. A slushy to the face just doesn't scream 'I love you.' If only she had known that I was saying it on the inside.

I blink a few times and take a deep breath. Before receiving her call I had been sitting at my computer doing research on some type of bug that apparently has taken up residence in my boss's house. Apparently it's long, gooey, has wings, and razor sharp teeth. I feel he may have exaggerated a bit. That's not the point. The point is that I was looking at a picture of a disgusting bug that already had me feeling nauseous when she asked that. I should say no. It will be torture if I don't.

"Of course I could come a few weeks early." That isn't what I meant to say. I hate how my mouth likes to make my life hell. Always going off saying the wrong things, the things I don't mean.

"Yay! You are so great Quinn. I can't wait for you to be here. You'll get to see my dress!" I mentally groan because knowing Rachel Berry the dress will probably make her look like a princess. A princess I can't have.

"It will be great." Except that it will be hell.

**Tuesday May 31st**

"It's great to see you both again."

I say to both Mr. Berry's as we load my stuff into their car. Apparently they are kind of fond of me because, even though I teased their daughter and don't deserve forgiveness, I stood up for her all of senior year, taking slushies for her, letting my status drop. I even made a big deal about apologizing. I invited the Berry's over for dinner and made sure everything was how it should be. Vegan foods for Rachel and her dad while her daddy and I enjoyed the good stuff. I started out by apologizing to them. I told them how sorry I was for how I hurt their daughter. I apologized for how it made them feel when their daughter would go home emotionally drained after something I did. They listened and waited and then I turned to Rachel and apologized for freshman year, the first time I made fun of her sweater. I apologized for the first slushy and all the ones after that. I made sure she knew I was sorry and so very wrong when I turned down her offer of friendship. Then I let her know that I was sticking out an olive branch, hoping that we could become friends.

During the summer between junior and senior year was when Brittany and Santana had helped me to understand why I was doing what I did. It was like a light bulb had gone on and suddenly I wasn't fumbling in the dark anymore. I then realized that I had a lot of planning to do if I ever wanted Rachel to be in my life in any way. So I figured out how I wanted to apologize and put a lot of thought into what would get the point across. By the end of dinner both of the Berry men told me that they could only forgive me if Rachel did. She had said she needed to think about it and three painfully long days later she asked me to go have vegan ice cream with her. Slowly but surely a friendship built and the more time I spent at the Berry's, the more I realized that her dads were more of a family to me then mine ever was. They were warm and welcoming and there was absolutely nothing wrong with them. All three of them were so sure of themselves. They were ready to face the world and what it threw at them and they did it proudly.

Apparently I am a very charming person who won them over because they had happily offered to pick me up from the airport while Rachel dealt with a seating arrangement disaster.

"We are so happy that you were able to make it early to help with our daughter. She has stress just seeping out of her and claimed you were the only one who could help." Leroy said as he pulled me into a quick hug.

"It's true; she is quite good at relaxing our daughter when push comes to shove." Hiram said with a smile on his face. This makes me smile, knowing that Rachel needs me and I can do something for her that others can't.

"Remember Nationals?" Leroy says as we all climb into the vehicle. "She never gets nervous but this was her last shot so she was a mess. But you were there and it was as if your presence calmed her. She felt surer of herself knowing you were there for her. I wonder why that is?" It seemed like Leroy was trying to tell me something but I couldn't figure it out.

"I'm just happy I could help." And happy that I can do something that her boytoy, excuse me, fiancé can't do. The Berry men laughed and I realized I said that out loud. Whoops.

**Friday June 3rd**

The loud ringing of my phone drags me out of my sleep and I blindly search for it, not wanting to pull my face out of the pillows that are cradling it so kindly. My hand travels over the soft surface of the bed and hits the nightstand with a loud thunk. My fingers wrap around my small phone but I pause briefly. Do I really want to answer it? I could just shut it off and go back to sleep. In fact, I like that idea muc-

A groan just came from the other side of the bed. A very human very _feminine _groan. How much did I have to drink last night? What did I do?

Ever so slowly I pull my face from the pillows and turn to examine the body next to me. I don't know whether I should be sad or relieved that the woman's hair is blonde. It's not her. She rolls over and shoots me a glare.

"Are you gonna answer that or what?" She bites out sharply.

"Oh, uh, sorry. I'm just gonna…" I start to get out of bed when I realize that I'm naked. Obviously she has seen me like this already but that doesn't stop me from blushing profusely and pulling the sheet with me.

It's not until I reach the door that I realize I'm not in my hotel room and this must be her place. God I'm an idiot.

"Hello?" I quietly say into the phone and I hear a sniffle.

"Where the hell have you been?" She's furious.

"Rachel?"

"Of course it's Rachel. Who else would it be?" I can't help but smile when people ask this. It's like, they think they are the center of the world and you should always be awaiting their phone calls. She kind of is the center of my world.

"I don't know." I say dumbly because I don't know what else to say.

"Where did you go?" She asks a little calmer now but she sniffles again and I realize belatedly that she has been crying.

"What's wrong?" I ask, not outright trying to ignore her question but not trying to answer it either.

"You're what's wrong." The words hurt.

"W-what? Why?" I ask after a long shaky breath.

"You're an idiot!" She yells and I pull the phone away from my ear.

"What did I do?" I don't like it when she's mad at me. I want her to be happy, always.

"You went home with a perfect stranger."

"Okay…?"

"Ugh. I can't talk to you right now." The line went dead and I feel like crying. I need to know how to fix this but also, I need to know why it's so wrong. It's that hopeful part of me acting up again. The part that hurts my heart when reality happens and she never chooses me because I never tell her that I'm an option.

**Friday June 10th**

We haven't talked about the phone call and its changed things between us. Other people are starting to notice that she is mad at me but I haven't gotten a chance to talk to her alone. She's getting married tomorrow though so I need to talk to her before then. Weeks ago, when she wasn't mad at me, she decided that she would be staying in my hotel suite the night before the wedding and as far as I know that hasn't changed. Hopefully tonight I can talk to her about that phone call.

She arrived at my suite late and I think she intended for us to both go straight to be but I'm not going to sleep until we figure this out. When she starts making a bed on the couch (she's not gonna sleep on the couch the night before her wedding) I decide that it's time to confront this.

"Rachel." I try to get her attention but she acts as if she can't hear me while she fluffs her pillows. It's childish really. "Rachel." I say again and I take a few steps towards her. She stands strait and stares at the flower painting the hangs above the couch. "Can we talk about this?" I ask quietly, my voice barely above a whisper.

"There's nothing to talk about." She states and I can tell she's holding something back.

"Will you look at me please?" She shakes her head and her shoulders shake, she's crying. I spin her around and pull her into a hug. She wraps her arms around my waist and lays her head on my shoulder. I can feel her tears through my thin night shirt and it causes an ache in my heart knowing she's this upset because of something I did. If I didn't have to let her go until the day I die it would be too soon.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she whispers after a long time of us standing there, holding each other.

"Tell you what?"

"That you're… that you…" My brow furrows briefly before I understand what she's getting at.

"That I'm gay?" She nods against my shoulder and her hair tickles my neck. "Does it…" I clear my throat. "Does it bother you?" I don't know why I asked. Obviously it wouldn't bother her. It was a stupid question and I realize that now as she stares at me with fire in her eyes. "Sorry. Stupid question."

"Why didn't you tell me though?"

"Because."

"Because why?" She asks.

"Just because." Maybe talking it out isn't a good idea. Perhaps keeping things bottled up would be better. I start to pull away but her grip tightens and she looks at me with those big brown eyes that have always made me feel things.

"Quinn… you can tell me." She says oh so softly and I melt.

"But I can't tell you. It'll change things and I don't want things to change anymore. I'm tired of-" I'm cut off by her lips on mine and everything in me shuts down to focus on the feel of her lips on mine and nothing else. Rockets shoot through me and I'm thrown miles and I grip onto her tighter but she pulls away. I whimper at the pain it brings me but when I see that she's crying again I push away my feelings.

"I can't believe I just did that." She states as her hand covers her mouth and tears fall from her eyes. It kills me inside to know that when I'm finally so close to what I truly want it hurts her.

"Rachel I didn't me-" Her lips are on mine again and I melt into the kiss. If I could just pause this moment right now and hold onto it forever.

Her tongue dances along my lower lip and I open my mouth eagerly. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know that this is wrong. She's to be married tomorrow yet here we are, kissing like our lives depend on it. She lets out a small moan as I grip at any part of her that I can.

"I can't do this." She's says when we finally break apart for air. She has so many emotions swirling behind those eyes and I feel bad about the situation. Before I have a chance to process everything she's grabbing her things and heading for the door.

"Wait." She twirls around to face me and I want to tell her everything. I need to tell her. "Don't go. Please stay." And just like that her bag falls from her hands and I realize that things might just turn out differently for this wedding that I thought they would.

**Tuesday June 11th**

Last night I told her everything. I told her about the summer between Junior and Senior year and how sorry I was that I had hurt her so much. I told her how I had wanted to tell her every day sense the day I realized that not only was I gay but that I was very gay for her. She sat and she listened. She didn't say another word all night. She just nodded in all the right places. She crawled into my bed when it got to be real late and I kissed her forehead before curling up on the couch. I barely slept at all last night, wondering what today would bring.

And now she's standing in the doorway to the bedroom with her brow furrowed and her eyes shiny with tears.

"Either way someone will get hurt." She says and shrugs and my heart breaks. I want her, need her really, but Finn loves her to.

"You're getting married today, Rach." The words leave my mouth without my permission. Tears roll down her cheeks and my heart breaks again. How many times can it break before I can't take it anymore? She slowly makes her way towards me and our eyes are locked together.

"Either way someone will get hurt." She says again and my brow furrows. "But it will kill me if it's you." And then her lips are on mine and I feel complete. After a long heated kiss she pulls away again.

"What's wrong?" I ask even though I know that there are more things wrong then right at the moment.

"I have a lot of phone calls to make. Do you think I could just, like, make it a conference call?" I can't help but chuckle and with the chuckle comes the realization that I'm finally happy.

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><p><strong>AN I wrote this a while ago and had it posted on my other account but needed to move it over to this one. Sorry for the lack or updates on my WIP stories. PM me if you want. **

**Review? **


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